The following are the top four winners from "Most Embarrassing Moments"
contest:
1) "While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided
to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did
not start behaving ´right now´, she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, ´If
you don´t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy´s pee-pee
last night!´ The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers
stopped what they were doing!
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in
tow. The last thing I heard then, as the door closed behind me, was screams of
laughter."
2) "It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living
at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for
a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring
downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone.
Since we didn´t want to miss the call, we didn´t have time to get dressed. When we got to
the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,
´SURPRISE!´
My entire family-aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and all my friends were standing
there! My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what
seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party
again."
3) "One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment"
stories I´ve come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a
discount store. When she finally got up to the check out, she learned that one of her
items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
boomed out for all the store to hear: ´PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN. TAMPAX,SUPERSIZE.´
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood
the word ´tampax´ for ´THUMBTACKS.´ In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the
intercom: ´DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH
A HAMMER?´"
4) "This one actually happened at Harvard University in October
of this year in a biology class; the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in
semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked, ´If I understand, you´re
saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?´ ´That´s correct,´ responded
the prof, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, ´Then
why doesn´t it taste sweet?´ After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing,
the poor girl´s face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had
inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books with out a word and walked
out of class...and never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the Prof´s
reply was classic... Totally straight-faced he answered her question, ´It doesn´t taste
sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back
of your throat."